woman holding a gun contemplating suicide

I Want to Kill Myself – What Should I Do?

woman holding a gun contemplating suicide

Here is a list of the contents of “I Want to Kill Myself – What Should I Do?”:

  • Introductory Words
  • If You Are in Crisis
  • My Life Was Awful
  • How I Tried to Kill Myself (and What Happened)
  • When I Was a Teacher, These Thoughts Returned
  • I Went to Counseling to Discuss My Suicidal Thoughts and My Other Problems
  • How to Overcome Suicidal Thoughts (Hint: Start by Using Positive Affirmations)
  • Why Do People Think about Committing Suicide?
  • 11 Things to Do When You Have Suicidal Thoughts
  • 5 Things of What NOT to Do When You Are Occupied with Negative Thoughts
  • What to Do if You Feel Helpless
  • Phone Apps to Use to Help You Seek Professional Medical Attention
  • How Do You Discuss Suicide?
  • I Have Helped a Bunch of People Already
  • Why I Am Qualified to Help YOU
  • My OTHER Article about Suicidal Thoughts – Suicidal Thoughts, Sickness, Health, and Hope: A Personal Journey
  • Some Resources for You

Introductory Words

I’m not sure if you’re in a crisis right now because you want to kill yourself (if you are, you need immediate intervention), or if you’re just starting to have some suicidal thoughts.

But I want to help you.

I don’t want you to kill yourself.

I want to teach you to work through your problems, whatever they might be.

Solutions are out there. You just need some help finding them.

You also need to know you’re not alone! I’ve been where you are!

I even tried to kill myself once… and I will tell you about this whole experience in a minute.

For now, if you’re seriously in crisis, then call someone. Here are some international numbers (since I don’t know where you are in this world).

And please keep reading this article, because it contains a lot of good stuff in it!

Also know that I, too, have felt the pain, depression, isolation, and any other negative feelings you’re feeling right now. And I overcame them.

So can you.

And I will teach you how.

How? Read my story and use the exact same methods I used to change my life!

My story is 100% TRUE.

Bottom line? I tried to kill myself and I failed.

I also thought about killing myself for many years afterward but chose not to… because I didn’t want my son to be without a mom.

He is the only reason why I am still here today.

But the methods I use to stay positive and happy are the reason I am successful now

If You Are in Crisis 

i want to kill myself

If you’re in crisis… and if you really want to kill yourself, read this right now. Please. I’m serious. Read it NOW.

If you’re still thinking about killing yourself, that’s good – that means there’s a small part of you that has hope and wants to live despite the crap you’re going through.

The fact that you’re here is GOOD.

Please stay; I want to share my experience with you,  AND I WANT TO HELP YOU.

I wanted to kill myself, too. And I tried to when I was 15.

If you are a teenager, and you want to kill yourself, I have something to tell you. You’re brain isn’t done growing yet! It’s true! It will stop growing around age 21. Also, the feelings you’re having are totally and completely natural. Yes, you’re normal, believe it or not! And there are tons of places that can help you. Trust me. I may not know you, but I know what I went through when I was a teen and was raped. I have also been through a ton of other stuff in my life, and I have overcome many obstacles to get where I am today.

I’ve suffered addictions to both drugs and gambling. I’ve had bad jobs. I’ve been involved in prostitution. I am a single mom. I’ve had a really rough life. BUT I OVERCAME ALL OF MY PROBLEMS! 

If you’re an adult, please know that you’re not alone. There are people who can help you. Anytime, day or night.

Just call a hotline. Here’s one. If you don’t like that one, here’s another resource for you. In fact, nowadays, there are tons! Google search is your best friend. Try using it. Don’t be afraid.

If you’re in emotional pain and aren’t sure what to do next, then stick around and read my story.

My Life Was Awful

I don’t know what you’ve been through, but you’re not the only one who’s hurting. I’m hurting, too. You see, when I was almost fifteen, I was raped. I was a virgin at the time, too.

To top it all off, I was raised in a Catholic household where I was expected to save my virginity for marriage.

After I was raped, I also got involved with drugs and prostitution (as a way to cope with the emotional aspects of being raped)… before getting two university degrees while raising a son as a single mom. So yeah, I’ve been through A LOT.

I’m going to share my experience with you, and if you feel like it, you can share yours, too. Tell me your problems in the comments and I’ll do what I can to help. I promise.

How I Tried to Kill Myself (and What Happened)

When I was 14, I was a virgin. I had a fight with my dad one evening and ran away from home. That night, I stayed with a friend of a friend. He was 29, and he ended up raping me.

When I was raped, my world was turned upside-down. I was devastated. I didn’t know what to do or how to act. I tried pretending nothing was wrong. I was crushed beyond belief. I felt like life was not worth living, and I wanted to die.

I didn’t tell any anyone about it, either. I was ashamed and embarrassed, and I didn’t know who to tell or what to say.

The Kid’s Help Phone line wasn’t founded until 1989, and I was raped in June of 1986. (I was 15 then. I am 45 now.)

To cope with my devastation, I did a few things. I started smoking marijuana, began drowning my sorrows by eating and escaped my feelings by sleeping more. I fell into a deep depression.

I also became promiscuous, looking for love in all the wrong places. I thought about killing myself, constantly. One day, I tried to…

Read More

True Story: How I Nearly Lost My Leg (and how the VAC saved it)

THIS IS A ‘TRUE TALES TUESDAYS’ POST

This shows my two legs, the right one scarred from my two operations, the left one still healing from my recent surgery.

This shows my two legs, the right one scarred from my two operations, the left one still healing from my recent surgery.

It’s been almost 9 years since I had two operations on my right leg. Today, I will share my story about what I went through to save my leg, and the amazing machine that helped me heal.

*To protect the identity of the people involved in this story, I will be referring to them only by their initials. And be warned – this is the longest post I’ve ever written and published on this blog. It’s also a very personal story, and was something I’ve been coping with for years.  Read More

I Have False Teeth – and I Love Them!

These are my false teeth. And I love them.

These are my false teeth. And I love them.

 

Wanna know a secret?

Yeah, thought you might… 😉

Okay, here goes.

When I was 22, I had all of my teeth removed, and got false teeth.

Nope, I’m not kidding!

Wanna know why?

Okay, I’ll tell you. I did promise you last week that this week I’d share a personal, embarrassing story. Telling you all that I have false teeth certainly qualifies, doesn’t it?

Do I really have false teeth?

Yes, I really DO have dentures. The funny thing is that I’m pretty happy I have false teeth now.

You see, when I went to the dentist oh so long ago, my teeth were in rough shape. In fact, my dentist told me that I could undergo several root canals and keep my teeth for possibly a few more years, but that I would have to get them all removed eventually. I decided to forgo the root canals and have all of my teeth removed that year. I’m so happy I did this, too!

Read More

I’m Having Surgery Today

This is a picture of one of my doctor's examining rooms.

This is a picture of an examination room at my doctor’s office.

THIS IS A ‘TRUE TALES TUESDAYS’ POST

I had other plans for a post today, but felt like I had to tell you all what’s going on, just in case.

You see, I’m having surgery today.

No, I’m not joking.

Read More

Christmas Was Celebrated on My Grandpa’s 100th Birthday This Year and I’ve Got Many Pictures to Prove it!

THIS IS A ‘TRUE TALES TUESDAYS’ POSTPhoto0407

My grandfather, Samuel L. Stewart.

My grandfather, Samuel L. Stewart.

My late Grandpa, Samuel Lawrence Stewart, wanted to live to be 100 but fell short by a mere two years, eighteen days. Yesterday would have been his 100th birthday. You can see a better picture of him via his obituary, which also reveals a bit more of his life. 

My grandpa was a twin. On the night that my grandpa was born, his mom, my great-grandma, gave birth to two babies, a girl and a boy. Laura, his twin, was born healthy. The doctor told my great-grandma that my grandpa wouldn’t live through the night because he was sick. Ha. He sure proved that doctor wrong! He outlived everyone in his family!

This is a picture of my Grandpa and Grandma Stewart after Grandma Helen moved into Pinewood Court, an old folks home.

This is a picture of my Grandpa and Grandma Stewart after Grandma Helen moved into Pinewood Court, an old folks home.

My Grandma Helen

My Grandma Helen, with my son in the background.

My Grandma Helen

My Grandma Helen

My Grandpa, relaxing in his home.

My Grandpa, relaxing in his home, dog-sitting!

My grandparents, on my sister's wedding day.

My grandparents, on my sister’s wedding day.

The family, together at my Grandpa's house, one Christmas years ago...

The family, together at my Grandpa’s house, one Christmas years ago…

The family, in the back yard of Uncle Mark's house.

The family, in the back yard of Uncle Mark’s house, years ago…

To accommodate everyone and their Christmas schedules, my family decided to celebrate Christmas by having on my Grandpa’s 100th birthday this year.

Let me tell you, we had a blast! We ate, drank, laughed, played, reminisced, and were just plain merry!

It was especially great for me this year because my son and I were re-united. 😉 I have never been happier!

I took tons of photos, too, and want to share my special day with all of you. 🙂 Enjoy! Read More