Last Updated on: January 19th, 2021
Here is a list of the contents of “I Want to Kill Myself – What Should I Do?”:
- Introductory Words
- If You Are in Crisis
- My Life Was Awful
- How I Tried to Kill Myself (and What Happened)
- When I Was a Teacher, These Thoughts Returned
- I Went to Counseling to Discuss My Suicidal Thoughts and My Other Problems
- How to Overcome Suicidal Thoughts (Hint: Start by Using Positive Affirmations)
- Why Do People Think about Committing Suicide?
- 11 Things to Do When You Have Suicidal Thoughts
- 5 Things of What NOT to Do When You Are Occupied with Negative Thoughts
- What to Do if You Feel Helpless
- Phone Apps to Use to Help You Seek Professional Medical Attention
- How Do You Discuss Suicide?
- I Have Helped a Bunch of People Already
- Why I Am Qualified to Help YOU
- My OTHER Article about Suicidal Thoughts – Suicidal Thoughts, Sickness, Health, and Hope: A Personal Journey
- Some Resources for You
I’m not sure if you’re in a crisis right now because you want to kill yourself (if you are, you need immediate intervention), or if you’re just starting to have some suicidal thoughts.
But I want to help you.
I don’t want you to kill yourself.
I want to teach you to work through your problems, whatever they might be.
Solutions are out there. You just need some help finding them.
You also need to know you’re not alone! I’ve been where you are!
I even tried to kill myself once… and I will tell you about this whole experience in a minute.
For now, if you’re seriously in crisis, then call someone. Here are some international numbers (since I don’t know where you are in this world).
And please keep reading this article, because it contains a lot of good stuff in it!
Also know that I, too, have felt the pain, depression, isolation, and any other negative feelings you’re feeling right now. And I overcame them.
So can you.
And I will teach you how.
How? Read my story and use the exact same methods I used to change my life!
My story is 100% TRUE.
Bottom line? I tried to kill myself and I failed.
I also thought about killing myself for many years afterward but chose not to… because I didn’t want my son to be without a mom.
He is the only reason why I am still here today.
But the methods I use to stay positive and happy are the reason I am successful now
If You Are in Crisis
If you’re in crisis… and if you really want to kill yourself, read this right now. Please. I’m serious. Read it NOW.
If you’re still thinking about killing yourself, that’s good – that means there’s a small part of you that has hope and wants to live despite the crap you’re going through.
The fact that you’re here is GOOD.
Please stay; I want to share my experience with you, AND I WANT TO HELP YOU.
I wanted to kill myself, too. And I tried to when I was 15.
If you are a teenager, and you want to kill yourself, I have something to tell you. You’re brain isn’t done growing yet! It’s true! It will stop growing around age 21. Also, the feelings you’re having are totally and completely natural. Yes, you’re normal, believe it or not! And there are tons of places that can help you. Trust me. I may not know you, but I know what I went through when I was a teen and was raped. I have also been through a ton of other stuff in my life, and I have overcome many obstacles to get where I am today.
I’ve suffered addictions to both drugs and gambling. I’ve had bad jobs. I’ve been involved in prostitution. I am a single mom. I’ve had a really rough life. BUT I OVERCAME ALL OF MY PROBLEMS!
If you’re an adult, please know that you’re not alone. There are people who can help you. Anytime, day or night.
If you’re in emotional pain and aren’t sure what to do next, then stick around and read my story.
My Life Was Awful
I don’t know what you’ve been through, but you’re not the only one who’s hurting. I’m hurting, too. You see, when I was almost fifteen, I was raped. I was a virgin at the time, too.
To top it all off, I was raised in a Catholic household where I was expected to save my virginity for marriage.
After I was raped, I also got involved with drugs and prostitution (as a way to cope with the emotional aspects of being raped)… before getting two university degrees while raising a son as a single mom. So yeah, I’ve been through A LOT.
I’m going to share my experience with you, and if you feel like it, you can share yours, too. Tell me your problems in the comments and I’ll do what I can to help. I promise.
How I Tried to Kill Myself (and What Happened)
When I was 14, I was a virgin. I had a fight with my dad one evening and ran away from home. That night, I stayed with a friend of a friend. He was 29, and he ended up raping me.
When I was raped, my world was turned upside-down. I was devastated. I didn’t know what to do or how to act. I tried pretending nothing was wrong. I was crushed beyond belief. I felt like life was not worth living, and I wanted to die.
I didn’t tell any anyone about it, either. I was ashamed and embarrassed, and I didn’t know who to tell or what to say.
The Kid’s Help Phone line wasn’t founded until 1989, and I was raped in June of 1986. (I was 15 then. I am 45 now.)
To cope with my devastation, I did a few things. I started smoking marijuana, began drowning my sorrows by eating and escaped my feelings by sleeping more. I fell into a deep depression.
I also became promiscuous, looking for love in all the wrong places. I thought about killing myself, constantly. One day, I tried to…
I don’t remember why I had them, but I had a prescription for Tylenol 3s that contained 30 mg of codeine each. There were 30 of them. I remember these details because of the number 30.
One night, I decided I was going to take them all, get in bed and read a book (one of my favorite activities), and drift peacefully off to death.
I got a big glass of water and swallowed three or four pills at a time, one mouthful after another, until they were gone. I may have even refilled my glass once or twice; I’m not sure. I’m in my forties now, so some tiny details are hazy.
What I do remember is climbing into bed and nestling myself under the comforter. I had a book, and I began reading. I read for a while… until the lines started to blur together.
Then I panicked. It was happening. I was dying, and I couldn’t even meet my death the way I wanted to; my eyes wouldn’t focus.
Somehow, I thought I’d just fall asleep and never wake up, but that wasn’t happening.
Then I started to feel sick to my stomach. I felt like puking. I got out of bed, and began heading toward the bathroom. I was going to be sick, but I couldn’t walk. My balance was off. I stumbled and fell into the wall several times. My heart was racing.
This was not how it was supposed to be!
Now I was mad and worried. I didn’t know what to do next. Fortunately, my body decided that for me. I threw up. It was gross.
I was in pain, I couldn’t see straight, and I was really sick. I felt like I was being punished all over again.
I thought I was raped as a form of punishment for running away. (Yeah, there’s a lot to my story that I am not telling you here. The details are in my book, though!)
I don’t really remember what happened next, but I know I was sick for a while.
When I finally stopped puking, I went to bed and slept. Oddly enough, I was fine the next day.
I made up my mind that the next time I tried killing myself, I’d do it with a gun. I want my death to be painless and quick. Since I’ve never owned a gun (and don’t want one – they terrify me), I’m still alive.
But… I’ve had many suicidal thoughts over the years.
When I Was a Teacher, These Thoughts Returned
I was around 29 when I started teaching high school math and English.
I had to move to a small town to get this job. I was fresh out of university and in a two-year relationship with a guy. We had been living together, too.
But when I was hired as a teacher, my boyfriend couldn’t move with me. He had to stay in our city (Thunder Bay, Ontario) because he had visitation rights to see his son on the weekends.
And his son was more important than me. Obviously. I understood that. So I moved to the small of Fort Frances with MY son. This was in July 1999.
We tried to make a long-distance relationship work, but we couldn’t. We broke up in April 2000. Things went bad for me after that. I became miserable. I was alone. No one loved me…
And I got depressed.
I was in debt at the time, too. I had student loans to pay off, and my credit card debt was piling up. Life was not easy. Then my son started stealing money from me. And lying about it. He’d also take off with his friends and wouldn’t tell me where he was going. I started to feel like a failure as a mom.
Somehow, I lived through it… and life went on. I made my new job my main focus.
But after two years of teaching, I was fed up. I was homesick all the time. (I had never lived anywhere but Thunder Bay.) I missed my friends and family. And my son continued to be bad.
Life was hard. To cope, I started gambling a lot, playing bingo.
I took cash advances off my credit cards. I didn’t know how to save money for a house… or how to save money PERIOD. I tried to escape my problems. It didn’t work. My problems got worse.
I fell into a deep depression. I wanted to kill myself… again.
I ended up asking my friend and her boyfriend to help me with my son. I sent him to live with them for a year. I thought this would help. It didn’t. I missed my son. He was all I had… other than work.
Then I began having major problems at work, too. I was assigned to teach two classes of students who had learning disabilities. I was not prepared for this. These students had a lot of behavioral issues. I did not know how to handle them.
My depression worsened.
One day, I had a breakdown at work. I was sent to the hospital and was diagnosed with major depression. I was put on medication and ordered to take time off work. So I did. I eventually quit, and moved back home, to Thunder Bay.
Things didn’t get any better for a long time. I’ll share more of my story in my book, but one thing that DID help was going to counseling.
I Went to Counseling to Discuss My Suicidal Thoughts and My Other Problems
I’ve been to counseling and it helped. In fact, I saw a few different counselors over the years.
One helped me to find a bit of closure. Another helped me to cope with my addictions. And another helped me get my problems under control.
Since then, I’ve outed my rapist.
I also found that writing helps me through my hard times. I find it very therapeutic.
I learned some other coping strategies, too.
Coping is tough, but somehow I got through my tough times, and you can, too, regardless of how much you’re struggling.
How to Overcome Suicidal Thoughts
There are actually a bunch of things you can do to overcome your suicidal thoughts and start enjoying your life.
Enjoying life is not always easy. But it’s possible! The first thing you need to do is change your mindset. You can START by using positive affirmations.
You also can use meditation, the Law of Attraction, and visualization.
These are some of the techniques I have used to rid myself of negative thought and achieve success!
They are also the techniques I teach in my book. And those two links are actually chapters taken from my book and published as blog posts (articles) on my website… which you can access FOR FREE!!!
Don’t Suffer In Silence
In most of the suicide cases, the victims are in deep pain and keep their suffering to themselves. They pretend to be happy in front of the whole world but deep inside their hearts, they are fighting their own battle.
They don’t’ tell anyone what is going on in their minds. They suffer in silence, which only contributes to their pain. As a result, they think thoughts such as “I want to die,” “I want to kill myself,” and “I wish I was dead so I didn’t have to feel this pain.”
Let’s have a look at some real-life cases
A 24-year-old girl was ditched by her own boyfriend, a person who meant everything to her. Her day used to start with his morning messages and ended by listening to his voice. She loved him deeply, passionately but after a break-up, she was shattered, she surrounded herself in her own shell. After few weeks, she tried to attempt suicide because she was not able to bear the emotional pain, the emptiness in her life, and the mental stress which she was going through.
In another case, a 12-year-old girl was forced to get into the act of prostitution. She belonged to a poor family. It was her uncle who kidnapped her after trapping her into the game of giving work. He took her to the place where she was forced to satisfy her customers. She was living in an enormous guilt. After being tired of selling her own body, she attempted suicide.
A 30-year-old lady tried to attempt suicide. She was tired of the taunts for not getting married, not only the society but her own family used to torture her. She was very sensitive and after suffering so much mental torture, she got depressed and tried to kill herself.
These are few cases which show how helpless a person feels when he/she thinks of committing suicide. It seems as if all doors of hope are closed. There is no way out of their suffering and mental pressure. Those who are able to cope up with it do survive, but those who cannot hope they die. The potential of tolerating such kind of torture and pain differ from person to person. After all, we all have different capabilities. All these people who tried to finish their life were fed up of not only with themselves but also with their situations and circumstances.
The common thing in all these cases was that they all felt they did not have a single person in their life with whom they could have shared their thoughts. So, they suffered in silence, and felt so alone and depressed that the only way to escape their feelings and problems was with a suicide attempt.
Why Do People Think about Committing Suicide?
People who are tired of their suffering, loneliness and unfulfilled desires often think of giving up and ending their lives. Sometimes threats and office pressure, or unavoidable situations (such as abuse or financial hardships) in one’s personal life are also the main reasons for considering death. There are probably a dozen other reasons why people want to kill themselves.
It is natural to get to a certain point and want to give up. But giving up is not a remedy to get rid of your emotional or mental pain. And your death will cause pain to the people whom you are related to, as well as your friends, relative, colleagues, and other people.
What you need to do is learn and then apply some strategies in your life. You CAN feel better. It IS possible. I know, because I’ve been where you are right now.
At this stage, you have to stay calm. I know it is not that easy, but you have to try to keep yourself grounded before making a rash decision that you will regret. Negative thoughts are like storms. They destroy you. So it is better first to try and think positively and rationally.
Killing yourself is NOT the answer. Finding ways to feel better and handle things IS.
It’s hard to think of anything else when you’re depressed, I know. But that’s why I am here. I want to help you open your mind to solving your problems in a different manner. I want to show that all hope is NOT lost. I want to teach you some strategies for coping.
By learning about these things, you WILL feel better. Sometimes all it takes is a person who understands you!
Once you are able to learn how to deal with your sorrows, you will be able to help others and guide them through their difficult times, too!
11 Things to Do When You Have Suicidal Thoughts
1: Call a Trusted Person
It is very important to have at least one trusted person in your life. It can be your friend, a family member, or a relative. Call that person and straightforwardly say, “I need your help. I am feeling helpless. I am not in the condition to think rationally. I feel like committing suicide.”
Talk to that person face-to-face or have a telephone conversation. It is important to burst out what is running in your mind that is making you think of the worst of your situation. Just speak, speak, and speak. Having someone to talk to will help you more than you’ll ever know!
If you can be honest and share your feelings with that person, they will help you! Tell your feelings to them and ask if how they would feel if they lost you. Stop blaming yourself for any guilt. Always think that all whatever happened to you was for your own good. You learned a lesson, and now you should move on. Never blame yourself for any kind of mistakes or traumas you endured. They are serving to make you a stronger person.
Whatever happened to you has happened for a reason. You might not think so right now, but God/Allah/whoever your higher power is has a plan for YOU.
2: Have Some Patience
If you are not able to reach the person whom you are calling, wait for his/her response. In the meanwhile, you can just take a paper and pen and start writing whatever is coming in your mind. Jot down your feelings as much as you can. Drink water to keep yourself hydrated, and try to keep yourself calm.
I can understand it will be tough to you, but you will have to do it for yourself and others too. Once you get back a response from the concerned person, talk to them and open your heart to him/her. Tell each and everything in detail as what it is provoking you for suicide. Ask for his/her opinion.
3: Cry Out Loud
Don’t suppress your emotions or keep them bottled up inside. If you are feeling like crying, then cry out loud. If you don’t want to cry in front of anyone, search for a place where nobody can see you weeping/crying.
Cry out every emotion, every single tear! This will make you feel relaxed and after this, you will be able to think exactly of what is good and what is not. This technique works very fast for recovering from severe emotional stress and depression.
4: Try to Think about Happy Moments
Try to think about all the happy moments you have had in your life. I’m sure you have had a few! Focus on those moments, and see if there is anything you can do to create new, happy memories.
Think about and cherish these happy moments of your life. Do you have any achievements, rewards, awards, or other things you can remember?
Are you having trouble recalling them? If so, contact someone who knows you well. Ask them to help you remember the good times. That person can tell you how precious you are, how important you are to them and to society as well.
5: Make a List of Things You Like as Well as of Your Good Qualities
When we give too much in any kind of relationship, we forget about ourselves. We only focus on others’ needs, their wishes, and their wants.
This doesn’t always help us, though! This doesn’t do anything for our sake. So think about your hidden abilities. Listen to your inner voice. Make a list your passions, the things you love to do, your hobbies, your favorite color, your favorite foods, your favorite clothes, your favorite perfumes/colognes, the places you like to visit again and again.
Jot down your positive habits and attributes. List the best part of your personality. Are you a caring person? Do you always try to help others? Do have skills that your friends don’t? Are you compassionate?
This technique of writing things down will definitely make you feel think good about yourself. Suicidal thoughts generally come when you start hating yourself. You don’t find yourself perfect for any situation. When you are unable to fight with others, you start fighting with your own self. This is what drags you slowly towards suicidal thoughts. But if you can focus on the positive things about yourself, you will see that you are not a bad person. You will begin to look at yourself in a more positive way. You will feel better about yourself as a result!
6: Never Think it Was Your Fault
Sometimes we meet few people who knowingly (or unknowingly) hurt us badly. That experience ruins our whole personality. We just want to curl up and die in these situations. We make a shell around us which in long term hurts us even more badly. The worst thing is we don’t know how to get rid of that memory. We cannot forget who has spoiled our lives.
I will never forget the times I was raped, or who raped me.
These types of traumas have affected us both physically and mentally, and emotionally as well. It is tough to forget those incidents! But with the help and support of our near and dear loved ones, a person can win any battle!
Whatever happened to you IS NOT YOUR FAULT.
7: Don’t Keep Yourself Isolated or Be Alone
While going through the toughest part of life, generally people want to be left alone. But this is really not a very good practice because this habit will only make you feel more depressed. You will keep thinking only about negative aspects of life or your situation, which is not good for you. It will ruin all your creativity, happiness, talent and other positive factors of life. Keeping yourself isolated or being alone is not the remedy of any kind of problem.
Instead, try getting out of the house. Be with other people. Be social, even if you don’t want to. By being around other people, you will be able to shift your focus and mindset. You will be exposed to new conversations, new situations, and more positive actions. This will all help you to forget about your depression and your problems!
8: Don’t Lose Hope
It is not only you who is going through this phase of life. Many people around the world are in a worse condition than you. Think about them! Many people are homeless, starving, poor, and ill. Many people’s lives are worse than yours. Think about all you have, and be grateful for that!
Your suicidal thoughts are very strong, but they are not permanent. You can change them!
By reading this, you are proving that you want to change. It is up to you to make changes in your life that will help you deal with your particular situation. Think of this time in your life as only a bad phase. You will get through it! Don’t lose hope!
9: Accept the Grieving Process, Make Friends, and Seek Counseling
Most people need time to recover from trauma and loss. Did you know that there are 5 stages to the grieving process?
These stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
Which stage are you in? By identifying your stage, you can see where you’re at and know that your situation or feelings are not permanent. You will get through it, eventually.
One thing that will help you cope is by making new friends. This will not only keep you busy but you also come to know that not everybody is the same. In our life, everyone is dealing with their own problems.
You can also seek counseling. Sometimes it’s easier to share your problems and suicidal thoughts with trained professionals, because these people do not know you that well and will never judge you for your thoughts or situation. Instead, they can give you good suggestions of fighting it with new techniques and activities that have been medically proven to help.
10: Adopt Active Hobbies
To avoid suicidal thoughts, you need to keep yourself busy. It is necessary to involve yourself in any kind of active, physical activity. Start playing active games such as cricket, basketball, baseball, or tennis. You can also take classes in singing and dancing. If you love cooking, you can take a cooking class. You can also join fitness centers to keep yourself busy and fit. These actions will not only divert your mind but also will give you a new way to think and start a new life in the happiest way.
11: Challenge Your Brain and Play Games
You have access to the internet. (If you didn’t, you wouldn’t be reading this!) So, download some games and play them. Use brainstorming games like puzzles, switching boxes, tic-tac-toe, Sudoku, etc., to challenge your brain. Try doing a crossword.
By doing these things, you will make yourself think about something else other than your suicidal thoughts. Eventually, by using these many techniques, you will become distracted. Your focus will be on something else, and your suicidal thoughts will no longer consume you!
5 Things of What NOT to Do When You Are Occupied with Negative Thoughts
1: Never Think Your Problems Have No Solutions
Never think that you are always surrounded by problems which cannot be solved. Every problem has a solution. It is just that, at the time, you are not able to realize it.
If you will keep thinking about your problems, you will not be able to see the positive side of any situation. Suicidal thoughts affect your mood and consume you, and that is why they are so problematic.
By applying the strategies and techniques for overcoming these thoughts, you will be able to determine a solution to each of your problems, and you WILL become strong enough to handle things and move forward.
2: Never Keep Harmful Things at Your Place
It is better not to keep any life-threatening objects near you. Knives, razors, scissors and any types of pills should be thrown out or should be kept away from your personal reach. You can also lock these things up until you feel relaxed or normal.
3: Don’t Watch or Listen to Negative Shows or Songs
Avoid watching emotional programs or movies. This will again drag you into the same position where you were. Stop listening to emotional songs. It would be better if you opt to watch a comedy, and listen to some upbeat dance music.
4: Don’t Turn to Alcohol or Drugs to Ease Your Pain
In most of the cases of depression or negative thoughts, people lose their hope and start drinking and doing drugs to ease their pain. However, the pain subsides only momentarily, and these actions can create further problems. You might become an addict or an alcoholic! This will cause you to have more problems than you already have!
If you do decide to drink, don’t do it alone. Make it a social event. Drink with a few friends. In general, people who drink alone tend to end up feeling worse than they already feel, and are more prone to committing suicide.
5: Don’t Stay Alone
Suicidal thoughts always attack your mind when you are alone. To minimize this tendency, one should not stay alone. It would be better for you to ask your friends or a relative to stay with you.
If this is not possible, then plan some outings for yourself. Eat outside, go to a mall, and surround yourself with people. This will divert your mind from negative thoughts and will surely help you to feel better about yourself.
What to Do if You Feel Helpless
Even if you are trying very hard to cope with your situation and STILL are not able to get rid of your suicidal thoughts, call someone for help. You can contact a therapist or psychological counselor. You can also speak to your family doctor and ask for a referral to a specialist, or even go to the emergency room at your nearest hospital.
There are various organizations all over the world that have toll-free numbers and provide counseling services. Depending on where you live, you might be able to find some local organizations that can help you through your difficult times. Many NGOs (non-governmental organizations) exist to help patients who have suicidal tendencies. Here you can get help from these numbers as well. People there will listen to you. They will not judge you. They are there to help you!
Phone Apps to Use to Help You Seek Professional Medical Attention
Nowadays there are also various mobile apps that provide you with online counseling. You just have to open the app store and download them to your smartphone.
Some of these apps are Your Dost (This app also provides counseling through its website www.yourdost.com), 7 Cups, Better Help, Counselling for Teens, and ASCA National Model (American School Counsellor Association).
Various countries, such as Argentina, India, China, America, Mexico, Philippines, Berlin, Africa, Asia, Canada, and the USA provide counseling for preventing suicide. Some of these resources include:
1 AFSP, also widely known as the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. The AFSP is an NGO dedicated to curing patients who have suicidal tendencies. They make people aware of curing and maintaining mental health.
2 American Association of Suicidology, also known as AAS. The mission of this foundation is to promote the understanding and prevention of suicide and support those who have been affected by it.
3 Behavioral Health Link, or BHL, is a 24/7 service provider. They have worked in the field of mental health for many years. Their professional and caring staff are available anytime (day or night) to help you or a loved one with a mental health crisis or a problem with drugs or alcohol. They can also help you schedule an appointment with a provider.
4 Half of Us is a website that is specific to your particular problem. Simply click on the link most appropriate to your problem to get some help.
5 The Jed Foundation helps promote emotional health and prevent suicide in young adults.
6 The Link Counselling Center is a non-profit community counseling center serving the community since 1971. The Link provides quality, affordable, confidential counseling, psychotherapy, and support groups to all ages.
7 The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is open 24/7. Their number is 1-800-273-8255. No matter what problems you are dealing with, they want to help you find a reason to keep living.
Taken from their website:
“By calling 1-800-273-TALK (8255) you’ll be connected to a skilled, trained counselor at a crisis center in your area, anytime 24/7.
When you dial 1-800-273-TALK (8255), you are calling the crisis center in the Lifeline network closest to your location. After you call, you will hear a message saying you have reached the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. You will hear hold music while your call is being routed. You will be helped by a skilled, trained crisis worker who will listen to your problems and will tell you about mental health services in your area. Your call is confidential and free.
If you feel you are in a crisis, whether or not you are thinking about killing yourself, please call the Lifeline. People have called us for help with substance abuse, economic worries, relationship and family problems, sexual orientation, illness, getting over abuse, depression, mental and physical illness, and even loneliness.”
8 The Samaritans provide services to people of every age, sex, culture, socioeconomic standing, religion and sexual identity. They respond to every kind of personal, emotional or health-related problem imaginable, from a bad day or a broken heart to mood disorders and mental illness to a chronic or life-threatening disease, trauma or loss. Their 24-hour crisis hotline number is (212) 673-3000.
The hotline’s anonymity and confidentiality also make it a safe point of entry if you are in distress and have not utilized support services in the past or have fears about providing your personal information.
How Do You Discuss Suicide?
Suicide is a topic that is difficult to discuss but one that warrants discussion due to its serious nature.
I was reluctant to write about my experience with this until I realized that I could potentially help someone – anyone – YOU – who may be contemplating suicide by providing some sympathy and some alternatives.
Alternatives are out there.
So are strategies you can use to stop these awful thoughts and feelings.
I share them all in my book, From NOPE to HOPE.
Deciding what to do when you are suicidal is tough.
You don’t know what to do. You don’t know who to turn to. YOU JUST WANT YOUR PAIN TO END.
You don’t necessarily want to die; you want to live a better, happier life… one worth living!
From NOPE to HOPE reveals easy-to-accomplish, actionable strategies for changing negative thoughts into positive ones AND for learning to live a happier life.
Some of these include using positive affirmations, visualization, improving your self-image, and setting goals that you can actually accomplish. These strategies (and other techniques) worked for me! I went from a suicidal mess to… a success!
In this book, I share all of these with you so that you can move forward with your life and stop feeling horrible. I also provide you with Thought and Action Exercises to do, at the end of each chapter.
It also contains the advice of trained counselors who have paid thousands of dollars for their education… knowledge which I accessed by visiting them as a patient… knowledge which helped me.
Plus, it contains four true stories from four people I know — three who had suicidal thoughts and tried to kill themselves, plus one from a guy whose sister actually DID kill herself… and the after-effect his family is suffering as a result.
YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE INTO ONE YOU ACTUALLY WANT TO LIVE!
I know, because I did it.
You can, too!
Put my methods to work for you and let me help you transform your life!
I’ve already helped save one life. Let me help you save yours.
I don’t want to kill myself anymore. In fact, I like my life now. (Check out this comparison of what my life USED to be like and what it is like now.)
I’d also like to invite you to read Rape, Drugs and Prostitution — One Blogger’s Journey to Success. It might help you. You never know.
Why I Am Qualified to Help YOU
I’ve attended university for 5 years. I am a teacher, and I am educated.
I am LIVING PROOF that you can change your life for the better, and go on to succeed in any endeavor! (I became an author, a blogger, an entrepreneur, a business owner, etc.)
I’ve suffered from major depression and was labeled as being bi-polar.
I’ve taken medications.
I’ve been addicted to drugs, gambling, prostitution, and more, and have OVERCOME my addictions. I now run a successful freelancing business, don’t do any of the negative things I used to do, and have found a way to lead a positive, healthier, happier life.
And now I want to help YOU.
By the Way, I’m Much Happier Now!
Here are some recent pictures of me.
My OTHER Article about Suicidal Thoughts
NOTE: The following was a guest post I wrote that was originally published on Take Charge Now, back in 2014. I linked to it from this article, but the site owner ended up deleting her site. I’ve added it here because it’s relevant! (Just remember that I wrote it in 2014.)
Suicidal Thoughts, Sickness, Health and Hope: A Personal Journey
Have you ever had suicidal thoughts? What did you do about them? Anything?
If you haven’t had such type of thoughts, you are lucky, unlike me. I’ve had these thoughts so many times during my life that I have lost count. I don’t have them anymore but when I did, I was consumed by them.
The only reason I never acted upon my suicidal thoughts as an adult was because I didn’t want to destroy my son’s life and leave him motherless. I am all he has; I’m a single mom.
Stress from raising him, stress from teaching, and stress from becoming a gambling addict formed forces with each other to make me want to commit suicide. Of course, my past negative experiences factored into these thoughts. I was raped when I was a teenage virgin, had my beliefs and life shattered, turned promiscuous, and eventually started living a double life, filled with prostitution and drug addiction. Yes, my life was a disaster, a complete mess, and I constantly thought about killing myself. Constantly.
To put it bluntly, I was an emotional wreck. The person who suffered most of all was my son.
When my son was a teenager, he even went so far as to have me hospitalized. I spent three weeks in the mental health ward of my local hospital. The doctors diagnosed me as being bipolar and put me on medication. This was after I had been diagnosed with severe depression and took several different antidepressants for a couple of years.
My suicidal thoughts stemmed from my loss of hope and, coupled with feelings of despair, desolation, resentment, self-hatred, and anger, I was unable to think clearly or process things logically. Self-pity, self-loathing, and major depression returned after I was in a bad accident. I nearly lost my right leg and two surgeries later, it was scarred and slightly deformed. I used gambling and drugs as an escape from reality but naturally, these actions only caused more problems.
I hit rock bottom after my son turned nineteen and moved out. He had to get away from me in order to save himself. For three years, we were separated from one another and did not speak. He refused to have anything to do with me until I cleaned up my act.
I had a bit further to sink before I started to swim, though. I danced with the white devil and smoked my money and worries away. Then, my best friend and her husband moved out of town and I was truly all alone. I had no one. No one but myself, anymore.
I was suffering financially, physically, and emotionally. I knew that suicide was not an option, even though I thought about it a lot. (I actually tried killing myself after I was raped. Obviously, it didn’t work, and I didn’t want to have to go through that again.)
I started spending more time with my parents. Gradually, I eased off the drugs – prescription and otherwise. My thinking processes improved, and I started to feel close to “normal” again. I took a trip to see my friend that had moved away. I became more responsible. I ended up drug-free. I began accepting my life and myself for who and what I was. I no longer had suicidal thoughts.
But my son, my precious baby, was still not a part of my life.
Oddly, it was during this time, when I was getting better, that I got sick. Really sick. Dying sick. Dying sick so physically painful that, ironically, I no longer wanted to die. I didn’t want to die without saying goodbye to my son, without seeing him again, without resolving our issues . . . without him. (You can read the full story on how I nearly died if you’d like to know more.)
My son’s mere existence has preserved my own on many occasions. He was always in the back of my mind each time I had suicidal thoughts. Somehow, my love for him always won out. He was my beacon, my reason for living, my son. He was what I clung to during my dark days.
I’m still owning up to the fact that I neglected him, mentally abused him, and hurt his heart. I basically treated him like sh** sometimes, but I also loved him, cared for him, and raised him with the right morals and values, too. He knows a lot about what I’ve been through during my lifetime and, today, he is back in my life once again, being my pillar of strength, my motivation, my driving force.
I still struggle with my feelings of guilt for all I’ve put him through. I don’t know that I’ll ever quit struggling.
But I no longer think of killing myself. I am living proof that suicidal thoughts can dissipate and vanish completely.
However, I’m still not as healthy as I want to be. Emotionally, I’m scarred. Physically, I have some health issues and limitations. What’s important is that my son’s now back in my life, and I’m a lot happier!
We’ve spent the last year building a new relationship with one another. I’ve talked with him about my new hopes and dreams, which is writing a book about my life, unveiling all details.
I started sharing some of my personal stories this past year when I began my blog. I also started writing my autobiographical memoirs, and have plans for other books, including a compilation of all the letters I’ve written to my son, who claims he has forgiven me for all I’ve done in the past.
My son is a positive person who sees the good in me and looks to the future. Despite the turmoil I put him through, my son is a smart young man who turned out great. He’s muscular because he hits the gym faithfully four times a week. He eats healthy foods, doesn’t drink, smoke or do drugs, and has a big heart. I raised him right, after all, and he is my biggest achievement.
When I think of the hurt I caused him, I still cry, though.
Of course, rehashing all the negative crap I’ve had to deal with doesn’t help. (Well, it helps, sometimes!)
But we all have our problems and burdens to bear, don’t we?
What are some of yours?
Have you ever had to deal with suicidal thoughts? How did YOU cope?
Leave me a comment or two. I’m here to talk.
I want to be a friend to you. Seriously. I want to help you. I care.
Thanks, Lorraine Reguly (from Wording Well).
PS – Connect with me on Facebook! Let’s be friends!
And check out these resources, too.
Some Resources for You
50 Reasons Not to Kill Yourself
After a Suicide Attempt: A Guide for Family & Friends
Images courtesy of David Castillo Dominici at FreeDigitalPhotos.net, of Naypong at FreeDigitalPhotos.net, of Master isolated images at FreeDigitalPhotos.net… and me!